


Somebody You Loved

by monochromevelyn



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Supernatural Elements, spoilers for future arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:47:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22748065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monochromevelyn/pseuds/monochromevelyn
Summary: He came back.No, Shoyo did not just come back to Japan after being in Brazil for 2 years, long-distance relationship between Shoyo and Kenma was a thing in the past. Shoyo did not just come back from a volleyball game, tired but elated after winning a match. Shoyo did not just come back home to Kenma after a fight, apologetic for forgetting to feed their cat. He also did not just come back from a convenient store nearby, constantly hungry and in need of snacks.Shoyo had come back from the dead.--A story about overcoming grief, inspired by Yasuda Rei's Kimi no Uta and Lewis Capaldi's Somebody You Loved.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma
Comments: 17
Kudos: 75





	1. His Return

**Author's Note:**

> This story is sad but I also put a lot of fluff to make up for it. It's unbeta-ed so forgive my mistakes. Enjoy!

He came back.

No, Shoyo did not just come back to Japan after being in Brazil for 2 years, long-distance relationship between Shoyo and Kenma was a thing in the past. Shoyo did not just come back from a volleyball game, tired but elated after winning a match. Shoyo did not just come back home to Kenma after a fight, apologetic for forgetting to feed their cat. He also did not just come back from a convenient store nearby, constantly hungry and in need of snacks.

Shoyo had come back from the dead.

Six months earlier, a devastating call wrecked Kenma’s whole existence and split his heart open. Shoyo was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital after he was hit by a car while he was biking home from practice one rainy evening. He had a severe brain injury, on an otherwise unscathed body. Shoyo’s pale, still body in the mortuary drained every last strength Kenma had. He fell on his knees, his eyes blurred with never ending stream of tears that fell without his permission. Kenma was in too much distraught to voice his misery out. He thought of all the movies he had seen with Shoyo where people screamed as they cried for the lost ones. Well, that was a lie, he thought. He couldn’t breathe a croak even if he tried. Shoyo had taken all of Kenma’s might when he left that Kenma couldn’t even make a sound. Everything faded into a fuzzy blur, voices and sounds reduced to statics, and Kuroo’s squeeze on his shoulder felt like a distant touch. When the autopsy technician handed him Shoyo’s belongings – a gym bag dirtied by mud, a bloodied Black Jackals jersey, a necklace with a matching silver band to the one on Kenma’s ring finger – the overwhelming anguish had crumpled Kenma.

But six months later here he was, sitting across Shoyo in his dining room, a perpetual sad smile on his face as he stared at Kenma. Kenma was reminded of the calm, white face he saw at the mortuary. His lifeless lips were still curved into a slight smile; it was as if he was smiling in his sleep, a look Kenma had caught countless of times in the middle of the night.

“How are you, Kenma?” asked Shoyo softly.

The voice he heard was like a stab to Kenma’s chest. He missed it so much it hurt. Kenma wasn’t sure what to make of this uncalled situation on another meaningless morning that passed since Shoyo’s passing. And yet, here he was.

“Am I going crazy, Shoyo?” Kenma’s eyes met with Shoyo’s warm gaze. “Am I dead too now, that’s why I can see you?”

Shoyo shook his head. “You’re not dead, Kenma. And you’re not crazy.”

“Please tell me these past months was just a terrible nightmare and now I’m waking up to our real life.”

“Not that, too. Unfortunately.”

Kenma’s gripped his mug a little too tight. He noticed Shoyo’s mug was left untouched. “Then what are you and why are you here?”

“I’m Shoyo, Kenma. The Shoyo you know.”

“But you’re … dead,” Kenma sounded as though he was convincing himself rather than stating the truth to the existence in front of him.

Shoyo’s gaze faltered. “I…I am. But I’m here now. It took me six months but I succeeded in making a deal with God to have some time on earth before I leave. And I have something for you.”

A disposable camera suddenly appeared in front of Kenma. He waited for Shoyo to explain.

“This disposable camera uses a film roll to take 30 pictures. Let’s use this camera to take our pictures together for memories.”

That was it? Kenma questioned himself. There had to be a catch to this seemingly fever dream he was having. There was no way it would just be that simple.

“But?” Kenma simply asked.

“But…” Shoyo trailed, “…at the end of the film, I will disappear.”

“Isn’t that condition a bit too stupid?” Kenma dropped his emotionless pretense and breathed out a sarcastic laugh. He slammed the mug in his hands a little too hard against the table. “Then if I don’t take any picture, I can have you stay here with me forever.”

Shoyo smiled, but he looked like he wanted to cry. “That is true.”

“I’ve lived for six months without you. I wasn’t living.”

"I know."

Kenma got up and walked to the sink to rinse his mug. Whatever that Shoyo was – whether it was a ghost, a hallucination or an ethereal being – Kenma was determined to keep him around as long as he could. He might not be real, but he was here. It was more than what Kenma had wished for when he woke up to an empty space next to him, inhaling Shoyo’s fading scent from his pillow day by day. It was more than what Kenma had wished for when he walked into the living room to the memories of them falling asleep while watching movies. It was more than what Kenma had wished for when he saw Shoyo’s volleyballs in the yard, deflating each day from the lack of use.

He had wished for one last day with Shoyo, and now Kenma got to keep his as long as he wanted.

As long as he didn’t take those damn pictures Shoyo asked him to.

-

For the next one month, the ghost of Shoyo had been around Kenma. It was like he was really back again in Kenma’s life, but this time Shoyo didn’t have to leave him for late night volleyball training or out of town matches. He felt like his entire being had become Shoyo’s sole reason of living, lingering around him at all times. During Shoyo’s lifetime, Kenma secretly wished for this. He had gotten a little jealous at how important volleyball was to Shoyo. But he never expressed it to Shoyo, because he knew volleyball was his thing and that was what attracted Kenma to the other man in the first place.

Except, in this current situation, he was persistently trying to get Kenma to snap photos using the disposable camera.

When Kenma was playing with his cat, Shoyo appeared from the corner of the room with the disposable camera in tow. Kenma simply shook his head.

When Kenma was lying on the porch on a warm sunny afternoon, Shoyo had joined him on the floor, placing the disposable camera within his reach as he scooted close to Kenma.

When Kenma stared longingly at the darkened rainy sky through a windowpane, Shoyo placed a fleece blanket on his back and joined him. The camera was placed on the windowsill, next to two mugs of steaming hot cocoa.

One whole month had passed since ghost Shoyo appeared in Kenma’s life. It was hard to fathom how for the past half a year he laid crumpled in his bed, day in and day out, meaningless hours passed as he waited for Shoyo to come through the front door, shouting ‘I’m home!’ but it never came. Every time he heard the sound of his front door open, Kenma opened his eyes and sat up straight, hoping that all of this he went through was just a terrible dream, and that was Shoyo who came back home. Came back to him. It was almost always Kuroo, monthly checking in on him, delivering food to make sure his best friend wouldn’t die from starvation or making sure he didn’t do anything stupid that could kill himself; of which had crossed Kenma’s mind a few times. He couldn’t bear to see anything volleyball related or open their joint closet, because so much of Shoyo remained. He resorted to wearing the same 2 hoodies for the whole six months and shut himself in the confine of his house. He took an indefinite hiatus from his work, letting his business partners manage their company without him. Kenma became an empty shell of who he used to be – a faithful partner, a good friend, a great gamer. He simply became a dying plant without his sunshine.

Sitting close to this ghost of Shoyo, he couldn’t help but to stare. Like the Shoyo he knew, this spirit chattered excitedly over mundane things as his gaze fixated on the raindrops hitting the windowpane. Kenma outlined Shoyo’s figure in his mind; his short bright ginger hair, his warm eyes filled with passion, his soft smile and his fairly chiseled jaw. The long neck with collar bones protruding out of the round collar of his white shirt. Kenma noticed the lack of necklace with a silver band around his neck. Ah, there was one difference, Kenma thought. Shoyo shivered and it broke Kenma’s train of thought. He scooted closer to Shoyo and pulled the fleece blanket over both of them. Their shoulders were touching and Kenma could feel warmth radiating from Shoyo. Kenma didn’t have the time to marvel over the complexity of this situation because he was distracted by the sight of Shoyo’s sincere smile. How was Kenma supposed to live without him?

“Thank you, Kenma. You’re a nice person.”

“And you’re a ghost of a person I love,” replied Kenma.

“I’m still Shoyo, you, know,” convinced Shoyo.

“I know.”

“I just want to make memories with you again. Before I leave. For good.”

Kenma drew his knees up and rested his head on it. “I don’t want you to leave.”

Shoyo chuckled, but there was a sad smile on his face. His hands reached out for the camera. “That beats the purpose of me being here in the first place. I am here to make memories with you before I go.”

“We can make memories without taking pictures.”

“My current form existed because I made a deal, and the deal dictates what we have to do, before… before my time is up.”

Kenma’s gaze shifted to the disposable camera in Shoyo’s hand, and it overwhelmed him with acrid emotion. He jerked out of his seat and forcefully took away the camera from Shoyo. He stared at it for a second too long before chucking it in the nearest empty trashcan.

“You were supposed to be here with me! You were going to be a tiny legend in volleyball arena, and I was supposed to support you through your ambition. We were supposed to stay together. Until, we’re old and wrinkly. You … you promised,” Kenma bit his lips until it bled. He subconsciously ran his thumb over the silver band on his ring finger. Memories of their whispered promises in bed and excited love proclamations in the open flashed by like a movie reel behind Kenma’s eyes.

Shoyo stood up and reached his hand out to Kenma, but Kenma pushed it away. He turned his back against Shoyo. “I’m sorry, Shoyo. I didn’t mean to shout.”

Shoyo looked at his feet, defeated. “It’s okay, Kenma.”

“It’s late. I’m going to bed. Good night.”

Kenma walked away and disappeared behind a closed door.

-

It was a warm sunny morning; blinding rays of light peeked through between the curtains directly on Kenma’s bed, waking him up against his will. He sat up and stared at one sunny spot on the floor to recollect his memories. He ran his fingers through his messy locks. He recalled the cold rainy day and hot cocoas. He recalled the warmth of Shoyo’s shoulder touching his under the fleece blanket. He recalled losing his calm when ghost Shoyo brought up his purpose of his existence in this realm. He recalled leaving the conversation because he did not want Shoyo to see him break down.

Kenma plopped back on his bed. He covered his eyes with his arm.

He just wasn’t ready for Shoyo to leave him again.

He was sixteen when he first met Shoyo, and up until that point in Kenma’s life, everything prior to Shoyo was a blob of blurry existence. Shoyo came into his life like a persistent ray of sunlight; blinding and occasionally annoying, but warm and pleasant. Shoyo was fiercely ambitious. Shoyo was adorably dorky. Shoyo was surprisingly interesting. Shoyo was simply beautiful. Their contrast in personality caused sparks to fly and it wasn’t long before Kenma realized he was addicted and in love. The feeling was mutual. They were happy.

Kenma ran his free arm up and down the empty space on the bed next to him. He missed having Shoyo there next to him. Although ghost Shoyo had been with him for the past month, he never passed the threshold of the master bedroom. Kenma never asked him the reason. To be honest, he too wasn’t sure if he was supposed to have the ghost of his dead partner in his bed.

His stomach growled for attention. Kenma regretted skipping dinner last night. He hopped of his bed and head out to the living room, only to notice how visibly empty and quiet it was. He walked around the living room to look for Shoyo, but he was nowhere to be seen. The mugs from last night were still at the windowsill, fleece blanket forgotten on the floor. He peered into the trashcan where he threw the disposable camera in. It was gone.

Kenma panicked.

Frantically opening all the doors in his house, Kenma voice croaked as he called out for Shoyo. Lack of response further deepened his fears. He went back to the living room and was on the verge of tears when he heard Shoyo called out from the front door.

“I’m home!”

Shoyo was carrying two grocery bags in each hand as he entered the house. He stumbled backward at the sudden force tackling him into a hug. Kenma’s arms were wrapped tight around Shoyo’s waist. The groceries fell forgotten on the floor as Shoyo hugged him back.

“Hey hey, what’s wrong? Don’t cry, Kenma.”

Kenma buried his face in Shoyo’s chest. “I really thought you have left.”

“I still have stuff to do with you, remember?” Shoyo ran his hand up and down Kenma’s back. “I’m not leaving until you are ready to let me leave.”

Kenma nodded in silence. Some time passed and he managed to calm himself down. He helped Shoyo picked up groceries that were all over the floor. They both headed to the kitchen, and Shoyo started preparing food.

“I’m sorry I left without telling you. I wanted to surprise you with breakfast, you see,” explained Shoyo as he diced mushroom and onion.

Kenma occupied his time by boiling water and preparing mugs to make drinks for both of them. “But you’re a ghost, Shoyo. Can other people see you? How did you go out and buy human stuff at the convenient store?”

“By right, only you can see me. But I could appear to other humans if I wished to, only for a couple of minutes. It takes a lot of energy to do it, so I don’t do it often.”

Kenma hummed under his breath. “You should have just told me. I can go out and buy it for you.”

“But it wouldn’t be a surprise, and I wanted to make you a breakfast as a surprise.”

Kenma had done making coffee for both of them. He placed one for Shoyo on the bar counter and he sat on the bar stool as he nursed his first touch of heaven for the day. “What’s the occasion, for me to get a surprise?”

Shoyo smiled and shook his head. He had moved from chopping ingredients to stir-frying it in a pan. “You don't remember? Today was supposed to be our anniversary.”

Kenma’s eyes widened at the realization. How could he had forgotten such an important day?

‘ _Let’s get married while you’re here, Kenma,’ suggested Shoyo one fine day by the beach, on one knee with exhilaration after winning his first official match in Brazil. The thrill from winning must have had spiked his brazenness. ‘It’s legal for same-sex to get married here.’_

_Kenma was there to witness his match as Shoyo’s main sponsor for his career in beach volleyball. Kenma was taken aback by the sudden proposal. Shoyo always knew how to surprise him and catch him off guard. Crazy as it sounded, he agreed._

_They both took an overnight bus and the whole journey to Bolivia took them almost 2 days. Shoyo had wanted to get married at this place he described as a heavenly location he found out from Oikawa Tooru who was in the Argentina volleyball team. He insisted they take the bus instead of flight so they could use the money for flights when either of them was travelling across continent. Kenma had a lot money of saved up from his business, but he concurred._

_It was a rough journey, but a good company and the promise of a beautiful view was worth the trouble._

_Salar de Uyuni was the destination; the largest salt flat in the world. It was like standing at the edge of the world, as the endless salt flat reflected the vast blue sky. It was heaven on earth - truly breathtaking._

_But it was not as breathtaking as the view of Shoyo who was standing in front of him._

_As they stood facing each other in their crumpled tuxes dug from the bottom of their luggage trunk and flower crowns bought from locals down the street, Kenma couldn’t think of any other person to do this with but Shoyo. They hired a local priest to officiate and made a couple of tourists as witnesses. It was an amusing wedding to watch as it was a mismatch of English, Portuguese and Japanese interaction between them and the priest as they tried to get their vows across. Both of them had no vows prepared beforehand, so they simply expressed their love for each other and exchanged the silver rings. Shoyo was holding back tears, Kenma chuckled fondly at him and the guests simply gushed over them. It felt surreal when the priest pronounced them as husband and husband. They shared a passionate kiss; a promise of forever future together. All sorts of emotion ran through Kenma, and he thought back on all those years ago when he was lost in Miyagi and Shoyo had found him during his morning run._

_Their story was far from perfect. But he never felt so blessed in his life._

Kenma’s train of thought was derailed by the sound of Shoyo clearing his voice as he placed a plate of omelet, mushroom and sausages. He pushed a fork towards Kenma. “Kenma?”

Kenma lowered his mug and placed it on the counter. “Shoyo.”

“Yes?”

“Let’s… lets make memories. Let’s take pictures with your camera.”

“Thank you, Kenma,” Shoyo’s face lit up with a smile and it was blinding. His hand reached out to hold Kenma’s arm. Shoyo hesitated for a moment but gathered enough courage to tip-toe across the bar counter to peck Kenma on the cheek. “We will do this, slowly. Together.”

tbc


	2. Photographs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The deal was to take 30 photos in a roll of film together. Memories were made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly sappy fluff. Forgive me for overindulging myself.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come to your house?” Kuroo’s voice was clear from the phone tucked between Kenma’s ear and shoulder as he put on socks. “I already missed checking in on you last month. Tsukki got sick due to influenza on the week I was supposed to visit. And you know he’s such a baby when he’s sick, so I had to take care of him during quarantine period.”

A split second after Kuroo had said that, he whimpered in pain. Kenma could hear Tsukishima’s loud denial in the background and Kuroo begging him for mercy. Kenma snickered.

“It’s really fine, Kuroo, I’m … feeling better. I showered and shaved, I put on a shirt that is not a hoodie, and I’m planning to go out today.” Kenma checked out his reflection on the full-length mirror. The last time he had worn this red and black plaid shirt was on a date at Disneyland with Shoyo.

“You… what?” trailed Kuroo, which soon turned to be a cry of joy. “Kenma! You’re! Getting better! I'm glad. I’m starting to worry if you’ll ever recover from losing your…sun.”

Kenma ran his thumb over his silver ring. “No, it’s not something you simply recover from. Part of me died, Kuroo. But at least I get to say goodbye properly this time.”

“What?” confusion was audible in Kuroo’s voice.

“Nothing important. I will text you from time to time, so don’t worry about me. Thanks for taking care of me all these times. You’re a good friend.”

“I know you’d do the same for me too, kiddo.” 

“It’ll be a hassle to comfort your because you’re annoying when you cry, so I hope Tsukishima will outlive you. He seems like a quiet crier so he’d be easier to console,” smiled Kenma into the phone, half-joking. Nobody should ever feel the traumatizing loss of their significant other. Kuroo barked a short laugh. Kenma peered at his watch. “Right, got to go, Kuroo. I’ll talk to you later okay. Bye.”

Kenma hung up and slid the phone in his pants pocket. He bunched his faded blond hair and tied it into a bun, straightening his whole appearance one last time. He grabbed the disposable camera on the bedside table, glancing at the calendar. It was already spring.

It was better this way, he convinced himself. This time he would make use of every last seconds he had to spend it with Shoyo so there would be no regrets. Every moment counts.

Kenma left his bedroom to a waiting Shoyo outside his room, greeting Kenma with his best smile.

  


-

  


Even though it was midday in the middle of the week, Ueno Park was quite lively with people gathering with friends for Sakura viewing. Kenma managed to secure a good spot under a lush Sakura tree that was far away from the main area with crowds. Kenma and Shoyo had to walk for quite a distance before coming across this quiet area, but it was totally worth it. From where they were sitting, the sound of people chattering was nothing but indistinct buzz from far. They had their packed lunch; sandwiches and Takoyaki bought from a stand on their way to the park. Comfortable lull of silence settled around them as they appreciate the beauty of nature. Kenma fished out the disposable camera from the picnic basket. He sat close to Shoyo, carefully leaning his head against Shoyo’s shoulder. Shoyo pulled him close and planted a kiss on his forehead.

Kenma pressed the shutter and took the first photo.

  


-

Once they got home, Shoyo walked Kenma to his bedroom but stopped short in front of the door before the threshold of the room. Kenma locked his gaze on Shoyo and grabbed Shoyo’s arm as he pulled him past the door and into his room. Into their room.

“This is your room too. I want you here with me.”

Looking around the length of the room, Shoyo had a sad smile on his face. “Are you sure? I’m a ghost.”

“Yes, you are. But you are also Shoyo.”

Shoyo nodded.

Kenma walked past Shoyo towards the dressing table and opened an expensive-looking carved wooden box on top of a stack of games. Looking at the content inside the box, Kenma hesitated for a moment. He shook off any doubt he had and pulled out a necklace with a silver ring.

“This is yours, Shoyo. Our wedding ring. You used to wear it around your neck because you said you don’t want volleyball to damage it,” said Kenma fondly at the memory. “I want you to have it.”

Silence filled the air as Shoyo was clearly taken aback by the gesture. A moment passed, Shoyo raised his left hand with glistening eyes locked on Kenma. Without missing a beat Kenma took the silver ring off the chain and slipped it on his ring finger. They interlaced their hands tight.

It felt right to have another shot of photograph; two silver rings with faded gleam, yet heavy with precious memories.

  


-

  


The next morning, Kenma woke up to the sight of Shoyo lightly snoring next to him. All felt right in the world, until the sight of the disposable camera on the bedside table behind Shoyo brought back the lingering ache in the pit of his stomach. He tried to suppress the negative emotion and chose to focus on the one thing that was in front of him at the moment: Shoyo. The ginger-haired man stirred and stretched awake, turning to face Kenma with a half-asleep smile on his face.

“G’morning.”

“Morning, sunshine,” Kenma palmed Shoyo’s cold cheek and pressed a lingering kiss on his lips. Shoyo kissed him back and moved closer under the cover. He placed his head on Kenma’s chest and continued sleeping. They laid blissfully in the chill of early spring morning.

There was no word that could be used to describe how Kenma painfully miss Shoyo.

He wrapped his arms around the slightly shorter man and slowly drifted back to sleep, face buried deep in Shoyo’s orange lock.

  


-

  


“Are you sure we can go, Kenma?”

“Yes, Shoyo, for the 10th time, we can go to Black Jackals match this Saturday.”

Spring passed as they speared head on into summer, and Kenma had taken a few more photos using the disposable camera since they first started. He tried to spread out the photos taken in variety of circumstances, although he liked it better when they photographed something mundane they did together around the house, like bundling up together under a blanket in front of the television watching a movie. Or laying in the porch under the sun with their cat sleeping on Shoyo’s chest. Or Shoyo’s sleepy face and untamed bedhead first thing in the morning. It was sort of a reflection of normalcy that they shared, even though it was far from the truth. No matter how much Kenma wanted it to be real, the Shoyo that existed in his home now was a ghost of his dead husband.

“Woohooo!!” Shoyo jumped vigorously in excitement Kenma thought he might start tumbling around the house. “It sucks that I don’t get to play but watching my team play is good enough!”

Kenma offered a slight smile. Volleyball brought him pain, but it was worth to see the joy in Shoyo. “I bet they all felt your loss in the court.”

“Of course! I was ‘swooosh!’ and ‘swisssssh!’ and then ‘bam!’ and we won,” Shoyo became very animatic once he started talking about volleyball. The boyish grin on his face dissipated all the anguish in Kenma’s heart.

“Ehh,” answered Kenma as he typed away on his laptop, alternating his gaze between Shoyo and his work emails. He had started working again. Only a couple of hours per day of work from home, but it was a major improvement and everyone at the company was glad he slowly got back on track.

Shoyo started spreading his legs and putting his arms forward as if he was receiving a toss and bouncing an imaginary ball. Kenma made a mental checklist to buy a new volleyball to keep at home so Shoyo get to practice when Kenma’s off doing work. He felt bad for not maintaining the ones they had at home after Shoyo passed away.

Saturday finally arrived. They took the train to get to the big Ajinomoto Tokyo Stadium where the match between Black Jackals and Tokyo Giants were held, but accidentally took the wrong train line and was late to the game. The match was halfway through when they reached. They promptly walked towards their seats at the front most row, which was the closest to the court, right above the players bench on the Black Jackals’ side.

To the onlookers, it seemed like Kenma was sitting alone, but he didn’t mind. They couldn’t see or hear Shoyo, who was there excitedly shouting his support for his beloved teammates fighting an intense match. At times, Shoyo would go quiet as he reflected on mistakes done or techniques used by both teams, muttering comments under his breath.

Kenma chuckled to himself. Even as a ghost Shoyo was passionate about volleyball.

The game marched on; Black Jackals had a new opposite hitter to replace their former number 21 Hinata Shoyo. Atsumu Miya, setter for the team set up a toss to this new player and he jumped to spike the ball. It got through the other team’s blockers and scored Black Jackals another point. Kenma did not know this new player. He was a good player, but his jump was nowhere as impressive as Shoyo’s.

When Shoyo jumped, it was as if he had sprouted wings and was ready to fly.

In the end, Black Jackals won 3 – 2 against Tokyo Giants. The stadium roared with cheers at the final powerful spike by Bokuto Koutaro, sealing the opposing team’s fate for good. Shoyo had a huge proud grin plastered on his face. His happiness was infectious, just like when he was alive.

“My team won! Gahhhh I’m so proud of them!”

Kenma took the disposable camera out and asked Shoyo to pose against the background of big Black Jackals banner raised to honor the winner. He made a peace sign with his hands and a smug smile on his face, as if the win was his too.

Kenma clicked the shutter for another photograph.

Just when they were about to leave, Kenma heard somebody calling out his name. He searched around him and turned to find the source coming from the players bench by the court beneath him, the voice of Bokuto Koutaro. He was gesturing for Kenma to go down to the court to meet him. Kenma looked at Shoyo who simply nodded with a smile on his face. He walked through the exit stairs leading to the court, Shoyo trailing behind him.

“KENMAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!”

Kenma did not have the time to react when he felt a towering figure literally jumped on him and wrapped his muscular limbs around Kenma’s slender physique. It took him all his might not to fall backward on the impact.

“Bokuto, you’re very sweaty,” remarked Kenma flatly. “And you’re crushing me.”

“But Kenma, I haven’t seen you for so long!” cried Bokuto. He still hadn’t let go of his deadly grip. “Not since Hinata…you know…and Kuroo told me you’ve locked yourself in your house ever since he’s gone! Imagine our surprise to see you today!”

Their festive mood quickly turned sour. Except for the new player, everyone on the team knew him as Shoyo’s partner. Kenma felt a twinge of guilt for dampening their celebration. Kenma was glad when Miya approached them and pried Bokuto off him.

“How are you, Kenma? I hope you’re doing well. Can’t imagine how you’re holding up every day without him. We as a team miss Hinata too,” said Miya with a defeated look on his face. Bokuto who was standing next to him was quiet too, staring at his shoes way too intensely after he had mentioned Hinata. The rest of the team and their coach who were nearby overhearing their conversation smiled weakly with sadness in their eyes. Solemn mood was palpable.

It didn’t really occur to Kenma how much others were deeply affected by Shoyo’s absence, as much as it did to him. But of course, he thought to himself. Of course, people would feel his loss. He was a walking sunshine, his bright smile and positive attitude towards life was overwhelmingly infectious.

“I’m coping,” said Kenma as he fidgeted under the attention, twirling the silver ring on his finger. “Thank you for your concerns, everyone. And congratulations on the win.”

Bokuto wiped tears with one arm as his other hand reached out to squeeze Kenma’s shoulder. “He was a part of our family too, Kenma. You’re a family by extension. Don’t hesitate to find us if you ever feel lonely.”

Miya nodded. Kenma smiled and thanked them.

They invited Kenma to an afterparty celebration, but he politely declined. Today’s socialization and human interaction was enough to fuel him for the next three months. He bowed his goodbye to the coach and Shoyo’s former teammates and turned his back against them to join Shoyo. He was there by the exit door watching them the whole time with a sad smile on his face. Before he left, Kenma turned to look at Black Jackals team one last time.

“I don’t know if Shoyo ever told you this, but he is very proud of you guys. Please keep it up.”

  


-

  


“It’s raining again today,” sighed Shoyo as he cradled their cat close to his chest, looking out the window. The cat purred blissfully.

“It’s autumn, Shoyo. Of course it’s going to rain a lot.” Kenma stretched out of his seat and closed his laptop. That was a wrap for today’s worth of work. “Besides, what do you have in mind?”

“Nothing in particular, but I prefer a sunny day.”

“It’s a good weather to stay in and play video games,” added Kenma as he stood close behind Shoyo and joined him in petting their spoiled cat. “But I do hope it’s sunny tomorrow.”

“Where are we going?”

Kenma wrapped his arms around Shoyo’s waist and rested his head on the shorter man’s shoulder. The warmth of another body was pleasant in this cold weather. “You’ll see.”

The next morning, Kenma woke up early and dragged the sleepy Shoyo out of the bed. They made a stop at a florist on their way to buy sunflowers but because it wasn’t in season, Kenma only managed to buy 3 stalks. They walked the rest of their way to the intended destination in silence.

It was a quiet road with occasional cars passing by them. There were hardly any people roaming this street during office hours. Kenma stopped right under a lamp and turned to Shoyo to give him the sunflowers. He took out the disposable camera to photograph the confused ginger head, being asked to smile under this one particular lamp post.

Once he was done, Kenma brought his hands together in prayer but instead of praying in silence, he said it out loud.

“God, thank you for giving me a second chance with Shoyo.”

Shoyo eyes were wildly looking around his surrounding before he realized it. “This is …”

“… the place of your accident,” Kenma completed his sentence. His hand ran over the small dents and scratches on the lamp post. “Today marked exactly one year since the accident.”

The flowers he bought was for Shoyo. The dead Shoyo. Shoyo kept quiet. “After your funeral, I came here a couple of times. I was shocked, I was angry, I was sad. I was careless too, hoping that somehow another reckless driver would end my life as well. But it didn’t happen.”

Kenma shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, his gaze met Shoyo with a sad smile. “I kept wishing…and wishing. Just one last day. Just one 24 hours. Then I bargained. Maybe just one hour. One sixty minutes. One three thousand six hundred seconds. This current blessing to have you here with me for the past half a year is more than what I bargained for, and I am thankful.”

Shoyo grip on the flowers tightened, crestfallen. “I’m sorry, Kenma.”

“There’s nothing much we can do to change the past, is there?” Kenma tried to sound cheerful. “We have now. We still have a few photographs left. Let’s make the best out of it.”

  


-

  


Kenma fell backward as Shoyo tackled hug him, effectively burying them both in the thick pile of snow in the backyard. It had been snowing heavily the entire night and the end result in the morning was truly magical. Laughter filled the air as Shoyo rolled away and moved his arms and legs up and down to make snow angel. Kenma copied his partner, his face flushed against the cold winter air. He stopped moving after he noticed Shoyo had stopped and was observing him instead. His face flushed even further. He grabbed a bunch of snow in his hands and threw it at Shoyo who effortlessly dodged it.

Shoyo smiled cheekily as he stood up. “Wait here for a moment!”

He disappeared into the house for a minute and came back with the disposable camera in tow. “May I? You look really cute, Kenma.”

Kenma balled another bunch of snow and threw it lightly at Shoyo. He didn’t budge this time. “I’m a full-grown man, Shoyo. You don’t use the word cute to describe a full-grown man.”

“A fact is a fact,” shrugged Shoyo. “Now smile.”

Despite his protest, Kenma gave Shoyo his best smile.

  


-

  


“Aren’t you cutting it a little too short?”

“No, trust me,” Shoyo’s eyebrows knitted tight in concentration. With utmost care and precision, he combed through Kenma’s overgrown hair, placing it between his fingers before cutting it. “This is your usual hair length. I think.”

“You think,” replied Kenma with no edge to his words. Kenma sat there patiently waiting for Shoyo to finish, watching Shoyo from the reflection in the mirror. They had been doing this since high school, giving each other haircuts when they visited each other’s hometown during long breaks. Typically, Kenma would be engrossed in his portable video game, but today all he wanted to do was to look at Shoyo.

Kenma was not ready to say goodbye.

“Done!” exclaimed Shoyo after he successfully trimmed off Kenma’s hair. He brushed off the remaining hair off Shoyo’s neck and shoulder and removed the towel.

It appeared slightly crooked on one side with most of his blond hair gone, but Kenma smiled. He turned to face the other man. “It’s perfect.”

Shoyo beamed with pride. He took a step forward and pressed a kiss on Kenma’s nose. “Are you ready?”

Kenma wanted to tell him no, but he had stretched his luck long enough. Seasons had passed and it was spring again, and they had taken 29 photographs over the past one year. That number was so little, yet so preciously planned. One left. He nodded in silence.

Shoyo lead them out of the bathroom and into their bedroom. Kenma had specifically requested for their last photograph to be taken in bed. Without being told, Shoyo had taken off his shirt and slide under the cover, turning to face Kenma. Kenma slowly did the same. As his head hit the pillow, Kenma was overwhelmed with emotion and his sight of Shoyo suddenly became blurry. He didn’t realize he was crying.

“I’m sorry, Shoyo. I wanted to show you my best smile on your last day,” sobbed Kenma quietly into his pillow. “But I don’t want you to go.”

“Why are you even crying?” Shoyo pulled Kenma close and placed a fierce kiss on his temple. “I’m here.” He placed his palm on the left side of Kenma’s chest, over his painfully beating heart. “As long as you live, I am alive.”

Kenma pressed one last kiss on Shoyo’s lips and buried himself in the nook of Shoyo’s neck. “Take the photo when I fall asleep. And don’t say goodbye.”

Shoyo traced circles on Kenma’s back as he pulled him close. Kenma could feel him breathing heavily, burying himself in Kenma’s dark roots. It was hard on both of them.

After moments passed, Shoyo hummed.

“Okay.”

-Tbc-


	3. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even without Shoyo around, life went on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was listening to Aimer's Kataomoi a lot while writing this so I hope you'll listen to it! Last chapter! Boy I sure cried a lot while writing this fanfic lol

Kenma hummed along and tapped his feet lightly to the beat of the song softly playing on the radio. A few pictures tucked between his lips while his free hands work on taping a few others from a pile of photographs on the table across the room. King of conserving energy, Kenma found that carrying photos between his lips was the savviest move out there. Once the ones on the wall were secured, he taped the pictures he carried using his lips as well.

He crossed his arms and took a step back to marvel on his work; a collage of photographs on the wall.

It had been three months since Kenma woke up in an empty bed after what sounded like an elaborate hallucination for one whole year. But it wasn’t a hallucination; Shoyo’s camera and silver ring were there next to him when he woke up. Shoyo honored his wishes to take the last photograph while he was asleep. He did not say goodbye. Kenma shed a couple of tears, but he did not break down under the crushing weight of sadness like he did the first time round.

Instead, once he was done crying, he wiped his tears and simply picked himself up. He tied his freshly cut hair and went out to get the film developed from a very old camera shop ran by an old man at the outskirt of Tokyo; one of the few shops that still develop negatives. It was what Shoyo would have wanted.

Kenma’s concentration was shattered by his friends’ voices from inside Shoyo’s closet.

“Oi Kenma, give us a hand in here!” Kuroo’s head was peeking out from behind the closet door.

“Yes Kenma, you called us to help you but you’re not doing anything!” added Lev, appearing above Kuroo’s head.

“I asked in Nekoma chat group. You guys were the ones who volunteered help in exchange of free pizza. The rest is either occupied or simply not interested in pizza offer like you simpletons,” Kenma deadpanned. “So do your work before you eat, gluttons.”

Lev cried a sigh. “Your fault for not mentioning the amount of workload we have to do. I could have dragged Yaku with me today. I mean, no offense, Hinata was a small man, but how come he owned so many clothes?! He basically lived in his jerseys, so there was no need for all these? What kind of a loser own a tux instead of renting one?”

Kenma chuckled. “You tell me.”

“But seriously, Kenma, are you sure you want to donate everything?” asked Kuroo, genuine concern in his voice. He was probably scared if Kenma would regret it later. “This is a lot of Hinata’s stuff you’re giving away.”

“It’s fine, Kuroo. I already took what I want. His Karasuno and Black Jackals jerseys, and one scruffy orange sweater he owned since senior year of high school. It was his, but really, I’m the one who wear it most of the time. I only let him wear it once I feel like his scent has worn off and I want it to smell like him again,” reminisced Kenma fondly. He probably shouldn’t tell Kuroo how Shoyo loved it on Kenma; the oversized neck occasionally would fall sideway, exposing his shoulder and Shoyo loved sneaking a kiss there, going up his neck and finding its way onto Kenma’s lips. It would almost always turn into a full-blown make out session and sex. Too much information. “I also already made a separate box of Shoyo’s stuff to give to his family. One of these days I’ll plan a drive to Miyagi.”

Kuroo grabbed a bunch of clothes out of the rack and dropped it on the floor. He sat crossed legs and started folding it one by one into a box labeled ‘donation.’ Lev was one step ahead of Kuroo, grabbing clothes and folding it right off its hanger into another box by his legs.

“I’m glad you’re able to talk about Hinata casually like this,” observed Kuroo. “Even when he was alive you didn’t talk much about what went on in your relationship.”

“Yeah, you got all of us concerned,” added Lev. “It shocked us to hear about Hinata’s passing, but it pained us to see you being sad all the time.”

“I’m sorry I made everyone worried,” Kenma fiddled with the chain on his neck, touching the two silver rings side by side. Nothing could break it apart, even death. “I needed time to come in terms with suddenly losing half of me.”

“I’m done!”Lev jumped out of the closet with 2 closed boxes in his arms and proceeded to dump it on one side of the room. “Where is my pizza at, Kenma!”

“On the kitchen counter.”

“Race you guys there first, don’t blame me if its finished by the time you get there!” Lev took 3 huge leaps with his long legs and he was well on his way out of the room.

Kuroo jerked out of his pile of Shoyo’s clothes around him and followed suit, taking equally long strides to the kitchen. “Wait up, you glut! Leave some for me!”

Kenma snickered. He turned his attention back to the collage on his bedroom wall.

Kenma knew Shoyo existed within him. Wherever Shoyo was, Kenma knew he was watching over him. Whenever Kenma missed him, all he needed to do was search his memories. Kenma reached out his hand to touch the photographs on the wall. Out of all the photographs, Kenma loved Shoyo’s last shot the most. Shoyo’s finger was in the frame obscuring at the bottom corner of the photo as he probably struggled to extend his arm to capture the moment with one hand, and within it was Shoyo tenderly kissing the sleeping Kenma on his temple. It was filled with love and bliss. Every time he looked at this photograph, he could almost feel the touch of Shoyo’s soft lips and warm breaths on his skin.

Moments captured within these photographs served not only as a reminder of the good times he had with Shoyo, but also freeze those moments to let go.

Let go of that single point in time of their memories to move on to the next one, so new memories could be made.

That was probably why the ghost of Shoyo showed up at his doorstep a little over a year ago with a camera in his possession. It was meant for Kenma to capture their memories together one last time so he could move on and form some new ones in his life.

A life after Shoyo.

Kenma grabbed the camera on the bedside table and chased after his friends. "Guys, at least leave a slice for the host."

-the end-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed it! :)


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